Making Family Traditions

By Patricia J. Paddock

How do you start a new family tradition? How do you keep it going? Here are five steps that'll help.

1. Don't Wait to Celebrate

Don't wait for a holiday or birthday. Find the things you love and celebrate them all year long. Sue's family traditions are based on the football season. It started when her dad and his friends used to gather at Shea Stadium for New York Jets games. Forty years later her family still shares eight tickets to home games—and all attend the tailgate party, even if they aren't one of the ticket holders for that game.

For Louise's family, it's the beach. "I'm ecstatic that my kids love going down to the shore with us." Louise shared. "Going to the beach is as meaningful for them at four and seven years old as it is for us." Louise's late parents met at the beach on the Delaware shore and family connection—something that Louise really feels is important for her to create for her kids—is strengthened by each visit to the beach.

2. Meet a Need

Some families have a tradition of opening one gift on Christmas Eve. Or one gift the night before their birthday. Know why? The kids begged their parents to open gifts early—one gift became the compromise, which became the tradition.

Do you wind up feeding your large family at every get-together? Why not make some of them potluck? You'll share the costs while cutting the prep time. Overwhelmed at the thought of fitting all the holiday decorations back into their boxes and up into the attic? Start hosting an "Un-Trim the House" party.

3. Decide What's Important

"Family traditions start because parents decide that something is important. And then they act on that 'important' thing—and broaden it so that their kids will act on it too," Arliss, a new mother, offered. So, what's important to you? Is it spending time with family? Honoring the differences in cultures and religions? Helping others? Being healthy and active? Pick one thing and focus on it.

4. Make it Work for Everyone

Once you know what you want to focus on, find a few actions that will support it. And make sure that the actions are fun and meaningful for everyone. "After all, a tradition comes about because it works for all—or most—of the family members involved," said developmental psychologist Dr. Harriet Mosatche. "If they want to see something continued, they'll put effort into making sure it stays around."

Is music important to you and yours? Plan a talent show for after the big meal. Find a way for all to show off their talents—from the littlest kid to the eighty-year-olds. Babies love to dance to music and what's more heartwarming that having grandparents and grand kids sing, play, or dance together?

5. Repeat Often

And don't wait for the next big get-together to do it again. Did everyone enjoy the talent show? Have fun at the game? What about the pot luck? Get your neighbors/friends together for one next month—what a way to blend friends, food, and fun! And isn't that what family traditions are all about?