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Help Her Deal When Friendships Turn Wicked
With Wicked: For Good, the second movie in the Wicked franchise, hitting theaters, it might seem like the whole world has turned Glinda pink and Elphaba green. And while the film takes place in the magical land of Oz, many real-life girls are bound to relate to one of the major themes of the story: complicated friendships.
Even without the added drama of enchanted slippers, magic wands, and the ability to fly, girls can really go through it when it comes to popularity imbalances, friend fights, and losing friends. Here’s how you can support her through it all.
When She’s Outgrown Her Friend
Sad but true—it happens! As kids get older and discover more of their own interests, friends who used to be inseparable can drift apart. If your girl has found that she has more in common with a new group or just isn’t as interested in hanging out with an old friend, that’s OK and totally natural. What isn’t OK is when a friend moves on but then completely freezes out or otherwise acts cruel to her former bestie.
Talk to your girl about the changes in her friendship and let her know that while you were supportive of her old friendship, you understand that people change and are excited to get to know her new friends as well.
Help her understand that while this past friendship might not be what she needs now, they had a lot of fun together, and she should honor that by remaining kind and respectful of her former friend. Badmouthing or bullying is never a good look.
When Her Friend Has Outgrown Her
Ouch. This one stings. When the person you’ve counted on as your BFF starts sitting with other kids at lunch or never seems to have the time to hang out anymore, it feels awful—even if they aren't being purposefully mean or hurtful.
This kind of situation can leave the friend being left behind with a lot of complicated emotions. Whether she’s sad and mopey, angry, or just plain confused, let her know her feelings are valid and understandable and that you’re there to support her through it all.
Reinforce the fact that one person’s opinion of her doesn’t define her—she is wonderful and amazing just as she is. That said, as people grow, they change and discover new interests. She might not be the perfect match for her former bestie anymore, and if she thinks about it, her former friend might not even be the perfect match for her either!
While it’s sad, and change can be difficult, it’s still no reason to act rude toward or be mean to her former friend. Helping her get out her anger or sadness in other healthy ways (Make a friend breakup playlist! Journal out that rage!) can help show her you get it and will always be there to support her.
When to Fully Cut Ties
It’s a horrible situation, but sometimes an ex-bestie will start being mean to a former friend. This can be the most confusing and upsetting situation of all. Why would someone she shared so much with suddenly turn around and hurt her like this?
If this is happening to your girl, help her understand that there might be a billion reasons why (and that most of them have nothing to do with her). Still, from what’s going on in the other kid's family life to insecurities about fitting in—there is never an excuse for this type of behavior.
Figuring out why a former friend is acting this way isn’t important. Your girl needs to prioritize her own mental health and well-being. You might put it this way: If a bee stings her, does she go chasing after the bee to ask why it hurt her? No. She gets help to remove the stinger so she can start healing. Let her know you’re upset about the situation, too, but in cases like these, it’s best to let go and fully move on from the friendship.
This content is not a substitute for professional advice; please consult a qualified expert for guidance on your child’s emotional or mental health. Pop culture references are for context only. No affiliation or endorsement implied. All trademarks and copyrights belong to their respective owners.
